When I use the word journey, I mean it. This is what life is: a continual becoming. We are not meant to stand still spiritually. We are called to grow, to become more like Christ, and to bring something better into the world because of who we are.

The world often defines “best self” through achievement, attention, appearance, or approval. But being your best self does not mean doing something spectacular for others to notice. It is who you are before God—in the noise and in the quiet.

When we are becoming our best before God, being our best in the world becomes less about striving and more about living from the love, grace, and identity He has already given us through Jesus.

What I Had to See

The following truths were not easy for me to admit, but they helped me understand myself more honestly. Some of these behaviors still show up at times. Growth does not mean pretending they are gone; it means recognizing them sooner and choosing a different response. You may have your own list. The point is not shame. The point is awareness. We cannot change what we refuse to see.

Not My BestSelf

1. I needed to be seen and acknowledged by the world. I looked to other people to tell me something I did not yet believe about myself.
2. I saw myself as a victim in my marriage. I felt unheard and misunderstood, but often I did not understand what I was feeling myself. It was easier to blame someone else than to name what was happening within me.
3. I pursued excellence and perfection to feel good about myself. Working hard is not wrong. I enjoy hard work. But it becomes unhealthy when it steals peace, joy, connection, spiritual growth, or intimacy with God.
4. I developed habits that helped me avoid what I felt. Some people escape through alcohol, drugs, games, food, work, sports, or social media. For me, it can be audiobooks, Solitaire, and other controlling behaviors. These things may seem harmless, but when we repeatedly cannot pull ourselves away, it is worth asking: What am I avoiding? What am I trying not to feel?
5. I judged people through my own lens. I judged how people dressed, drove, ate, spoke, lived, spent money, and behaved. But judgment often reveals more about our own wounds, fears, and insecurities than it does about the person we are judging. We do not always see others as they are; we see them through how we see ourselves.
6. I used faith as a hammer instead of receiving God’s grace. I constantly felt I should be doing more or becoming something different for God. Even with deep faith, my peace and joy were shaken when I focused on who I thought I was not. In His goodness, God showed me that I was already loved, already known, and already held by Him. I know that He sees me, and His love is enough.

Finding My Identity

My Best Self begins with knowing God. He made me. He knows me completely. He loves me perfectly. If anyone can reveal who I am and what I was created for, it is my Creator. That means releasing my own distorted self-perception, letting go of what I assume others think of me, and refusing to let the world define my worth. Instead, I want to lean into knowing and loving God, just as He knows and loves me.

“O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord.” —Psalm 139:1–4 NLT

I also need solid relationships: family, trusted friends, and a church family. I cannot do this alone. Relationships reveal what is in our hearts, challenge us, and help us remember who we are when we forget.

“As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” —Proverbs 27:17 NLT

“A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” —Ecclesiastes 4:12 NLT

Choosing Growth Now

There is something deeper in each of us that calls us higher. If someone asked, “What kind of person do you want to be?” how would you answer?

Because of my faith, I have often known the kind of person I wanted to become. But I did not fully understand or accept who I was. Real change began when I was willing to see myself honestly—not to condemn myself, but to let God heal and reshape me.

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.” —Psalm 139:23 NLT

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” —Proverbs 4:23 NLT

It doesn’t matter where you are right now. Becoming your best self happens in the present moment. The greatest control we have is not over other people or circumstances; it is over who we choose to be in response.

I will fail—often. Sometimes I will be impatient, unkind, fearful, or reactive. My instinct can be to criticize and shame myself. In those moments, I want to become self-aware, extend myself grace, apologize when I need to, and ask God to show me a better way forward.

Every failure can become an invitation to learn, repair, and grow.

“Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.” 

—James 1:2–4 NLT

My Best Self Prayer

Lord, thank You for Your incredible love and for the grace You extend to me every day. I choose to embrace who I am right now, so that I can move forward with the plan you have for my life. As I walk this path, I choose to become different. Please show me who I am. Give me courage to face the things I fear, wisdom to recognize what is true, and humility to keep growing. Help me see myself through Your eyes and live as the person You created me to be. Help me to choose integrity and kindness in everything I do. Let me love people for who they are and where they are. Give me the courage to speak the truth in love. Help me to give myself the grace I need to make mistakes, so I can learn and grow. Help me to see difficulties as opportunities to become stronger and wiser. Help me to stay present, living faithfully in this moment rather than worrying about the next one. Lord, you are my all in all. I place my life at your hands knowing that you will make it something amazing.

Amen.