Understanding that “I am the solution“ in every situation is a mind and perception-bending thought. Or, in other words, I don’t have to be a part of the problem. The reality is that we are human beings with experiences that have shaped and broken us all in some way. The “I am the solution” mindset doesn’t mean that other people don’t cause problems and that problems aren’t real. It means making a choice and taking responsibility for who we are and what we do.

Grasping the fact that I am in control of my feelings–– all of them–– is a Superpower that I didn’t understand I had. Knowing that I can harness how I respond in any circumstance shows that I have the power to choose who I am in each moment. The only person I am a victim of is myself, and how I choose to see the world.

When we allow others’ behaviors, thoughts, perceptions, biases, expectations, etc., to affect our feelings, we give away the power to be our best selves. When we are governed by our problems and experiences, we relinquish the freedom God has given us.   We decide on our experience — how we will be and who we will be.  Every person has that same power and responsibility.  Every person has the power to choose how they will respond in each moment. Jesus was the epitome of self-control, and he understood who he was. He lived his purpose.

• “In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross!” -‭‭Philippians‬ ‭2‬:‭5‬-‭8‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I have learned that in every situation where I’m experiencing the need to control, angst or some difficulty, it is because of my internal state. When I have something inside myself that I am battling, I want to deflect the discomfort onto someone or something else. (Most often this was my husband.)

It is in these moments of discomfort that I have a choice.  I can make the conversation about what someone is saying, not about me. Rather than internalize, I choose to listen. I choose to be kind and respectful and give thoughtful attention. What others think and feel is their responsibility. I choose to listen. I choose to give people the space to be who they are.  Perception is not truth. It’s just a different way of seeing things. It all depends on where you’re standing.